Our paperboy did not have a long run.  In fact, he didn’t even make it out of that neighborhood before word spread and the authorities were involved.

Always the optimistic one, our bionic protagonist made the best of his house arrest by earning a proctologist degree by mail.  They should really make background checks before mailing degrees all willy-nilly.

He may have found his calling after all, but something tells me his business will not thrive on repeat customers.  Call it a hunch.  Or an extremely uncomfortable sensation in the rear.